I'll walk alone

Recently, I read through a post in one of my bud’s blog. Instead of finishing with a smile as I usually do, I was rather shocked when I was done reading. Well, I am one such an individual who believes in restricting the radius of my ‘Circle of Trust (COT)’. And taking into account the fact of my friend not having considered me in his COT…was a bitter astonishment. One of my ex-roomies ‘Mr. A’ always used to warn/pick me harshly about the company with which I mingled and extended my trust to. I used to discard all his comments away….but today, I am forced to rethink!

After encountering so many happy and crappy experiences in life….I framed one theory which I always keep telling some people when I felt they took the wrong road. My theory is something like this:

“Value you give…is the value you get”

….and this proved right at all times.

I can quote an example….I knew this guy who came from a very knowledgeable and a highly respectable family. He was/is a very nice guy by heart (even though he gets cranky at times….LOL...J/k). And, he didn’t quite know the value and respect that one owed towards money. On one fine day….I felt he wasn’t doing justice towards the money he had and so, I went to him and put forth my theory. He gave me a glare and used some unparliamentary words ultimately telling me to ‘**** off’. I gave a smile and said ‘Money is god’ before going away. And, after two years….he calls me back saying that he owes more that $5000 because of his carelessness, and also adds that he walks 2 miles from college to home to save on his commutation charges.

And to my surprise, I read John Wright saying something similar to my theory when I read his book 2 days before. He was talking about Virender Sehwag getting too haughty and egoistic about his dominance in ODI cricket that took him as far as getting him selected in the World XI side in 2004. In that season, he made an open statement to the press…saying…

“If I can bat for the full 50 overs in a game, I sure can cross 200 runs easily”…

And what followed was 2 years of ODI cricket with just 2-3 fifty’s and getting dropped from the side for the recently concluded West Indian home series! And looking at this, Wright rightly said that…

“If you give a piss towards Cricket, Cricket will give its piss at you!”

But…reading at my bud’s post had completely proven my theory wrong. I totally valued my friend, spent all the fun part of life with him…considered him higher than most part of my family members….but today….all I get is a cold shoulder. Expectations and assumptions are my greatest weaknesses. And this is just one more of the defeats that I face due to my stupid expectations. My friend used to say that ‘Girls are the toughest beings to understand’…but I just wanna rephrase that and say…’Friends are the toughest beings to understand’.

When I watched ‘Goodwill Hunting’ a few days before yet again, I was once again touched by Robin Williams’ dialogue when he talks about ‘true loss’. He says ‘true loss’ is experienced only when u lose something that you love more than yourself. And any day, I would accept this statement with my hands tied down! A few days before, I was telling one of my friends on the phone about the value of people. I said,

“ It aint about ego, it aint about money…..its all about people…and the people whom you value the most…”.

So….to sum up…..by combining what I had said…and what Williams had said…I only feel my hands are more than empty now! My theory was proved wrong, the radius of my COT is further narrowed down and I have experienced true loss. Solitude was always my best companion…and so will it always be….

“ I’ll walk alone….” :)